behind dark glasses
by So Guhn
Summary: It’s only just their last chance at paradise. Lelouch x Nunnally. Based on speculation spoilers.


a/n: remember guys. Remember those (fake, still fake hopefully) spoilers on how Anya is omg Lelouch's real sister and Nunnally is just a spy sent from Charles's? Yeah. I wrote fic for thattt. It was sort of a 'prep' for if the spoilers really did turn out to be true, because for me that was do not want.  
I suppose you get an obvious "incest warning"?

_behind dark glasses_** ; R – romance/drama/angst – Lelouch x Nunnally**

A black staircase leading up.

That is what hangs in the existence of this place, the Raganok system. Locked in what seems like the chase of infinity, Lelouch will defeat his father, that immortal emperor who has given seed to this discourse from the very start. As Lelouch had sworn after Rolo's death, he would on his way to hell, on his path of retribution end it all and drag Charles with him.

It is the least they can do, horrible people. Who had taken upon that devil's eye, that curse- geass. To trade for power, this existence must end, the geass must end, the tragedies must end. They must end.

At the foot of the stairs, taking one at a time, slowly at first, but rising in crescendo, he does not know where they end (is this a trick of his mind? A trap?) A lone figure sits at the top (seat beads his brow) in a familiar dress of yellow, white, pink, and red. Sitting there with all the airs of fitted grace, hands folded about her lap and as if they (her hands) are the ones that hear him coming they hold upon themselves and clasp, bout her chest, caramel coloured hair spilled about her sides. Sweetly, agony shoots through his heart and deftly twists it. Her name faltering on his lips as his weary, adrenaline driven feet halt.

"Nunnally," he says, it ringing out from every corner of what is and is not the universe.

Her slightly bent head nodding upward, as if she can see him, a little ways down. Halted and pained, and desperate, and relieved and confused and knowing and hopeful and every single emotion that has every run through him for her, it finally settles on-

"Nunnally!" her name gasped out, he flings himself over the last few steps like the drowning man does from water, like the starving man does to food, like a brother would to his lost and presumably dead sister- because she had died, and yet she had not died. Nunnally could not die, for if she died his own life, his meaning, all would have died with her. He tried so hard not to believe her passing, and when he had inclined, had given in to the thought _perhaps she really is dead…_ he couldn't find her for so long, because that had been his punishment, had it not. For dare thinking he could be without her in this dreary forsaken world, this world he had failed to bring peace to. He had failed to give to her.

His hands clutch at her dress, her slim thighs beneath the fabric, face buried at her knees, on his own knees, murmuring every single word for thankfulness and relief that has ever existed in his vocabulary, the tears he had not shed (crying would be admitting, would be admitting that she!) spilling out, all the stress wrung out as he feels her hands, gentle, and kind and _oh, all hers, all Nunnally's_! Stroking over and through his hair, soothing him of the task ahead, soothing him for what he does not know will come.

"Onii-sama," she says and it's breaking his heart, he uplifts her face and cradles it in his hands, arms near trembling, she is his sun, his- "I'm sorry."

And his tear stricken face, that smile, his heart filled at her very presence, the ends of it unwind.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing Nunnally, I'm-"

"A liar," she says, with such clean razor tone that he is taken aback. His very hands now tremble, moving from her face back to it again. She had known all along. She had…

Her hand falls over one of his, at her cheek, momentarily he knows what bliss is, before she peels his hand from her, he allows that other of his own unwitting will to fall too. His lips want to move to shape the word why. They do not. Deftly, her hands mimic to his face what he had done to hers, holding.

"But it's alright brother."

Captured upon her every word.

"For I am a liar too."

Slitting and unexpected, slowly her eyes opened, and what stares at him, one blue, one is not what he had ever dreamed of. Head jerking back but she keeps it in place, hands tightly strong. A geass looking back into his own, having activated at the sight of hers. There's something like a scream that's being strangled in his throat. His hands fly up to clutch at her wrists. Why finally falling from him.

She's shaking her head, "I'm not your little sister, I'm not your sister at all."

They are lies, all of them. Her brow creases in what's like regret as if she had not expected to feel anything at having to say this, at breaking him, but it happens. She tries to give him a smile like she used to, a smile for when he tucked her into bed, for when he wiped her mouth at the soup hastily dripping from it, for the times he brought his forehead down to hers to check her temperature, for the nights he held her hand, for the times he told her he loved her- but she finds she cannot. This had been her mission from the start, pretend to be his little sister, in Anya's place, spy on him, cultivate him, capture him, and ensure victory for Charles's at her older brother's- no, Lelouch's expense.

It doesn't feel right at all, it doesn't feel easy at all.

She rises to her feet, and Lelouch does not follow suit, only looking up at her from where he kneeled, pain etched harshly around his features, his eyes, staring and that moistened cracking dry.

She strokes at his cheek and only then does he stand, even faced with her on steps lower. He folds her into an embrace, which she is startled at, a crushing hold that she has never felt before because she was _fragile_ and onii-sama had held her more gently than he would have to even glass, to paper, to butterfly wings. But now- a hand tucked into her hair, forcing her head against his shoulder, the other arm encompassing around her back and pinning her arms, her hands against his chest, shattered- "Nunnally."

Saying her name as if to call her attention, as if to reprimand her.

"You mustn't tell such _horrible lies_ just because your brother has been telling them."

Lips at her ear, tickled by strands of hair, kissing into the locks.

"You're my only little sister, I apologise if I ever made you feel like you weren't."

For all the nights he left her alone, for all the nights he had not been there to hold her hand, for all the hours of the day he had not been by her side as he should have. For not loving her enough (and frenzied, he thinks, his heart does not murmur but cry in every frantic beat that he loves her and her and only her, in this manner, in this burning gripping manner) for making her even think-

Her head hurts and she lies it heavily against him, hands clutching at the fabric at his chest, aching, and wondering how she got here to begin with (probably when she said, "It is alright if you use the geass on me," it is alright for her to make a contract with another, it is alright if she became his little sister, it is alright if she pretends to love him) but it is not alright that she does. She does love him.

Nunnally uplifts her face, catching not a glimpse of his throat, the underside of his chin, trying to pull back to merely look at him. He catches the notion and pulls away in a manner that only gives her enough bereft of space to do so. He does not want to let her go (but he will, he will when he goes to hell, when he takes revenge for himself and every other person on the planet who has known misery under the hand of Britannian rule and-) "Onii-sama."

Sweetly. He looks at her with such devotion that it makes her chest constrict, and her pulse quicken. Her hand sliding from his chest stiffly, between them to find, just near around his side, hidden-

A gun.

-and then she shoots him. Somewhere in the chest, she knows where the heart is but it's _not yet_ that calls so savoring through her, and _don't_ and he is still her brother. Why? He falls over the steps and falters, slick, crimson, blood making a path backwards so like the one he had made before with the Black Knights, with his call for justice, with his trying to make a peaceful world.

With his revenge.

Her hands are almost trembling why and she running down the steps, crouching to him, holding up his head, expecting him to spit, yell, cry at her in betrayal, but he only tries to hide his cringing, sweaty brow and smile, just for as if to say, "It's alright."

Only he does say it, her chest still feels heavy, he grabs her hovering hand as if she has come to him for that very purpose. "As long as it's you it's alright."

Nunnally knows what he's saying now, he's saying it's alright if she, if _she_ kills him because she's his- he's her- she shakes her head hard, hair loosely shaking from that small braid that wraps around her head, the other long locks falling over his chest, he's so warm yet… the bleeding has stopped, why? A plink of metal, as the bullet falls upon the steps, unnoticed by Lelouch.

"You…" she starts, his brow knots. "You cheated. You can't have the code and the geass."

His hand holds hers tightly and he twists his body to fall into hers and they're down down the steps until she wonders where the bottom is and you can't see the ceiling, there is none. Not here or ever. Twisting, until they are back to the original position of not falling. Her hands snap up, fingers clutch at his arms, what was he- "I was just going to take the Emperor to hell with me."

It's role reversal. She's no longer holding the gun but neither is he, it's only _as if_ he's holding it. It hurts, her head, her back (her heart), licking her lips, "But?"

A weary sigh and he pulls her closer, not wanting to let go ever- "I don't want to leave you again."

But she brings him to reality, crashing, a clanging sound, like fallen cymbals that hit the floor. "But you must."

Slowly drawing back from her, his hands tremble, tremble in a way that makes it seem as if they are in pain. Every contortion of his face is riddled with this and she tells him, heavy all over (again, again) - "For I'm not-"

There is loud whispering about the way his lips crush into hers, you would think there is no civility in this kiss- but there is, as if you are worried that the petals of flowers underfoot would surely brown and break beneath the soles of your shoes should any more pressure be applied. That is how he kisses her; ironic that her eyes hold open and wide to his closed lids daring not to shut, daring not to believe (they weren't any more). She closes her eyes, feeling moisture slip delicately away and wondering why for the nth time.

And when he finally parts his lips from her, he asks as well- "Why? If you are not my sister then… why?"

He likes it doesn't he- to hold her face in his hands, to pull her head close, to trap her here because there lies only one other way of protection and he knows it scarcely works. He'd rather keep her than throw her from himself and take another risk. Swim or drown. Drown or swim.

"Why did my heart hurt so much when I dare kiss you?"

At last falling- those hands, to grip her shoulders. He continues, glare neither angry but only tormented. Through and through he has, is, has always thought and wanted to be her-

"I'm your brother. Your only brother. I'm only brother to you and no one else in this world."

(Rolo. It's a lie a lie lie lie lie-)

But this was truth.

(Suzaku offering his hand to Lelouch, to help him stand. "Then make those lies truth.")

At the very least. He will. He cannot fail, this is all he has and has ever wanted. The place he ran from and tried to keep guarded until all was spent, revenge, ignorance, pride- it was her side he fought to stay by, her happiness he desired but if what she said was true…

A shudder runs through her.

"You're right. Onii-sama."

They are both liars.


End file.
